Suburban angst

So, I did a Target run last night. I do these at the last possible moment. When I start wondering whether they’re serious about the whole “do not reuse contact solution” or if that’s merely a suggestion, I know it’s time to go to Target.

And only today, in America, can you go somewhere that has so much stuff and not find what you actually need. Fortunately, the good people at Target realize that their “target” (oh, ho, ho, I slay me) demographic may want plain tuna fish, rather than tuna fish infused with lemon and pepper or sun-dried tomatoes.

Sometimes, there are simply too many choices. They recently remodeled our local Target, so I spend a lot of time wandering down aisles because I don’t know where anything is anymore. At one point, I got sucked into sparkly packaging clearly aimed at the teen girl demographic. I give you the new:

Secret deodorant — Scent Expressions.

(Click through at your own risk, graphic intensive, music, and purple prose.)

Because you’re no one if you don’t have your signature deodorant, no? So, I’m looking at the choices: kuku coco butter, arctic apple, brazilian cherry (I was going to make a waxing joke here, but I’ll refrain). But my favorite?

Vanilla chai.

I’m still trying to figure out why someone would want their underarms to smell like vanilla chai. Can’t you just see it? The back of mommy or daddy’s SUV, a passionate moment, the boy looks deeply into his girlfriend’s eyes and says:

“Wow. Your armpits are making me thirsty … wanna go to Starbucks?”*

I bought plain tuna fish (four pack), some contact solution, and the toilet paper with the puppy on it, because Kyra loves the puppy.

I passed on the vanilla chai deodorant.

*I’m calling dibs on the armpit line. I may want to use it someday. Just remember, you read it here first.


Filed under Misc, Musings

7 responses to “Suburban angst

  1. Darn it! I just remembered I need to buy TP.

    ‘Your armpits are making me thirsty’ LOL! I don’t want my underarms to smell like a hot drink.

  2. The choices are alarming. What’s worse is when they stoop carrying something you’ve purchased for years and you’re forced to try something new.

  3. Anno — YES. I hate that. I am a serious creature of habit who lives by the motto, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.” (Please, no one correct my grammar — I didn’t write the blasted cliche, okay?).

    When Avon decided to discontinue the lip color I used, I bought about twenty tubes. That was twelve years ago. I’m on my last one. Yeah, I know there are folks out there going, “Ewwww….” but, hey, in six months, I’ll have to pick out a new color and I’m utterly distraught. What’s close to “malted milk”? Anyone, anyone?

    And, C, ho, ho, you slay me, too! 😉

  4. I’m into the dove “real beauty” campaign myself…

  5. darcy

    Reason Number 537 that I’m glad you’re my writing partner:

    “Wow. Your armpits are making me thirsty … wanna go to Starbucks?”

    Please promise you’ll save this for a future GGG?

  6. Charity

    D–that actually sounds like something Duncan our class clown would say, no?

  7. Jenn

    I asked my husband to get me some deodorant at the store once. He came back with some “tropical” kind and I walked around smelling like a pina colada for days.

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