Tag: Writing

A funny thing happened on the way to the post office

Well, actually it happened at the post office. I had a big stack of books I was sending out (eleven to be precise). The guy working the counter asked me about them, thinking I was an eBay bookseller or something.

I, seizing upon opportunity (somewhat uncharacteristically), said, why, no, this is a book I wrote.

Post office guy? He. Was. Astounded. I had to tell him all about it. His wife had to know because she loves to read.

It’s at this point I think to myself: wow, I should really have some book business cards made up.

Then, the woman next in line piped that she has teen daughters who love to read.

Insert an image here of me kicking myself.

I was reduced to writing down titles on scrap paper.

So, I need some cards, ASAP. I tried some of those online design-your-own type places, but the results looked like someone with no graphics arts ability using one of those online design-your-own type places. But something is better than nothing, so I’m pushing this task up on my to-do list.

I also need a better answer to the question: “How long does it take to write a book?”

“It depends.” did not go over too well. The guy working the counter looked at me like: What? Is she crazy? She doesn’t know how long it takes to write a book? Isn’t that what she does?

I guess I could’ve told him four years. I got the initial idea for Geek Girl’s Guide in February of 2004. It sold in March, 2008 (and we still had another revision to go through).

Of course, I wrote other things during that time. Shelved it, took it out again, shelved it, started working with Darcy … hm, I had a moral in mind, I’m sure, beyond persistence and being in it for the long haul.

But all I really can think of is: book business card.

Must. Have.

Writing is hard

This was Andrew’s conclusion last night. More precisely, it was: Writing a short story is hard. But he did it.

To cap off the mythology unit in English, his teacher had everyone write their own original myth (emphasis on original–apparently, she’s read many a variation on Harry Potter, Star Wars, and so on).

Andrew came up with: The Adventures of Gulix.

It has prophecy, an orphan hero, a wise old mentor/sage, fiery death, sword battles, skeleton armies, river journey, wolves with diamond teeth (now that’s original), and romance.

All in 1,250 words.

He was proud, but realistic, said to me, “You can tell a kid wrote it, can’t you?”

And I told him it was a really good story for a kid. And he knows to do things I’ve seen many an adult writer not know or understand. His writing has really improved this year (and yes, I’ll be sending his English teacher a thank you note).

Plus, his story contained lots of terrific action verbs. Andrew is all about the verbs. Of course, with all that fiery death, sword battles, how could he not be?

But you want to know about the romance, right? After the epic battle with Hades, Gulix comes to and sees the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen before. He asks her name (it’s Persephone). Apparently satisfied with this answer, he goes back to sleep.

I’m going to have to figure out how to work that scenario into one of my stories (minus all the fiery death and skeleton armies, of course).

Corralling cats and words

Yes, it’s a commercial, but it’s still pretty funny (and kid safe–my kids loved it). It occurs to me that everyone else has already seen this except for me, since I don’t watch television.

In any case, enjoy!

 And by popular (?) demand, I’ll post that 490-word sentence, but below the cut. Click through if you’re curious/bored. And yes, it’s one big fat paragraph because, after all, it’s one big fat sentence. It also features Dating on the Dork Side characters.

Continue reading “Corralling cats and words”

Remember when I wrote that really long sentence?

Remember when I wrote that 106-word sentence? I wrote another one! Even longer! This week, as part of the class I’m taking (called masterful sentences, oddly enough) we mimicked Hemingway and his +400 word sentence, which you can see here. (Scroll down to #3. I’m not going to post it here-dude, that’s longer than most of my blog entries.).

So part of the assignment was to write a 400 – 500 word sentence-and have it make sense. I did the first part at least. I wrote a 490-word monstrosity.

In the process, I think I broke Microsoft Word.

Writing wrong yet again

So I’m taking this writing class called Masterful Sentences which is about … wait for it … sentence structure. Yeah, you didn’t see that coming.

Anyway, as part of this week’s assignment, I have a choice between “offering corrections to phrase and clauses wherever you see you can improve it” on A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens or diagramming several sentences from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce.

That’s sort of like the choice between a chocolate chip cookie and chewing on some crushed glass.

Personally, I don’t think Dickens needs “improving,” and I gave Joyce the old college try. Then I ran back to Dickens, asked for forgiveness, and was extremely proud of myself that I didn’t substitute “Dude, check it!” for “Mind!” in the second paragraph of the story.

Geek Girl Update

While Darcy slipped off the front page, you can see a few excerpts from her interview over at Geek Girl’s Guide.

Dude, that’s one really long sentence

Ha. The magical, mystical, way-too-long sentence. It was part of an assignment where we were given a laundry list of short sentences (He wore a shirt. The shirt was frayed.) about an individual that we had to work into a single sentence.

I don’t feel right about sharing the entire list, but there were sixteen items to work into the sentence. Most of my classmates managed to do that in far fewer words than I did.

Still, I think I had more fun. So here it is, in all it’s 106-word, longwinded glory.

The man stood, gnarled, emaciated fingers clutching a sign held high above his head, the frayed cuffs of his shirt poked from the sleeves of his suit coat jacket, its material shiny with wear, the stubble on his jaw cast his mouth in shadow, but his forehead shone with sweat, while the sign’s letters, a single word–PEACE–appeared penned by someone very young or someone very old, and on all those hot afternoons that August, he held the sign high, only lowering it when the traffic thinned, the rush of blood to his hands making the skin pink and–for a moment–like a child’s.

Words, 106 of them

I just wrote a 106-word sentence. No, I’m not kidding, and no, it’s not going in my YA novel either.

I’m taking a class called masterful sentences, and let me tell you, it’s exhausting to write a 106-word sentence. And as a bonus, Word doesn’t even think it’s a sentence fragment. Of course, we all know how good Word is at grammar. Hey, you, over there! Stop snickering.

The geek girl’s guide to creating a collage

Since a couple of people have asked, I decided to do a quick rundown of how to create a collage using Microsoft PowerPoint. It’s not fancy; it’s not really artistic (but then neither am I–fancy or artistic).

I’m using PowerPoint 2007 at the moment. If you have an earlier version, the directions may differ slightly.

  1. Open PowerPoint. You can use the default slide that appears as your starting point.
  2. Delete the title and subtitle text boxes.
  3. Right click on the slide.
  4. Select Format Background.
  5. Select Picture or texture fill.

From here, you can select one of the texture fills that come with PowerPoint or select your own wallpaper or image file as the background. For one collage I made, I used an actual photo of swimming pool water.

To continue:

  1. If the background is too dark, adjust to transparency to lighten it.
  2. Select Insert –>Picture to add images* to your collage.
  3. Once it’s complete, save the collage as its own image. Select Save As … and in the Save as type: field, select an image file type, such as JPEG.

You’ll receive message asking if you want to save only the current slide or all the slides in the presentation. Select current slide.

Now you have a wondrous image file of your collage that you can post on your blog or use as your desktop wallpaper as inspiration.

*I use royalty-free stock photography for many of my images. One of my favorite places to search is istockphoto.com. Dollar downloads: doesn’t get much better than that.

Now all I have to do is write the book

So, I was cruising around Amazon the other day, looking for YA books and other things to add to my wish list when I came across Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side.

I have to tell you, I was totally excited. I thought, hey maybe we should contact the author about doing a little cross-promotion. Now, you’re probably wondering why I’d think that about a vampire book. Well, at first glance, I didn’t see a vampire book. I saw this:

Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dork Side

Sad, but true. Although I still think that would fit into the Geek Girl milieu. (Bet you didn’t know there was a Geek Girl milieu; I didn’t either until I wrote that sentence.)

So. No cross-promo op there. (Still, it sounds like a fun book and the cover is gorgeous.)

That being said, I’m mulling over Dating of the Dork Side as an idea. So, I totally have dibs on it.

But it got me thinking about funny (and long) titles for books that may or may not exist (yet). The other title I came up with was:

I Suck: Memoir of a Teenage Vampire (or How I Took a Bite out of the Varsity Football Team, Bled the Student Council Dry, and Got the Girl)

I have dibs on this on this as well. I’m totally writing it someday. After I finish that Millionaire Boss’s Amnesic Virgin’s Secret Baby book I’m planning to write.

Anyone else have a title? Extra points if you can include, in no particular order: zombies, secret babies, vampires, secret vampire babies, memory loss, memory loss involving werewolves, zombie cheerleaders, vampiric millionaire bosses.