Kids – Page 13 – Writing Wrongs

Got the election blues?

I got your cure, right here:

Meet Oreo, the newest member of our household. For those of you who know that we already own a dog and seven fish, I can hear you say: Are they crazy?

The short answer is probably yes. But today is Miss B’s golden birthday (six on the sixth) and what she wanted most was a kitten.

Here she’s tracking the cat teaser, or as Kyra calls it, the “pet joker.”

But even kittens need to sleep. I know it looks like she’s about to slip off, but not to worry. I just checked on them. She was sitting on Andrew’s rear end for a while, then moved to snuggle between them.

Welcome to the jungle …

Last night we went to Andrew’s Jr. High (yes, our district has Jr. High, not middle school) orientation and open house. Guess how long we were there. No. Go on. Guess.

Three hours. Ach, Mein Gott, as Andrew would say (he’s practicing for German class).

Actually, though, it went really well. I was impressed with all his teachers and some seem simply stellar. I think teaching Jr. High (or middle school, if you insist) must be a special calling. Andrew mentioned after the school visit last spring that all the teachers were funny.

And they are! I think they must channel their inner stand-up comedian.

Andrew also noted that the ninth graders were “practically huge!”

And they are! They’re channeling their inner Hulks.

We visited each classroom, in order, for A days and B days (they have four classes a day, 88 minutes each, and switch between two schedules). As we sat in the Reading classroom, I told Andrew that this was a class I wanted to take.

The teacher had posters on the wall with things that said, Setting, and Point of View, and so on. They get to do a multimedia presentation on the genre of their choice. On our way out, Andrew asked if we should tell the teacher about my book. I said it was up to him. His school, he could decide whether he wanted people to know.

Andrew to teacher: My mom’s a published author.

(Yes, he said it just like that. Can you believe it?)

It was crowded and we had to get to the next classroom, but I gave the teacher a quick rundown of Geek Girl’s Guide status.

Teacher: I must have you in. Will you come in? The kids love this sort of thing. Let me write down your name. I’ll email you.

I said great. Three seconds later, I was all GAK!

Still, it’s a pretty neat opportunity.

Now, if I can just locate my inner stand-up comedian.

I don’t know art …

This statue is in the Yerba Buena Gardens, which is right next to the Metreon. The kids spent several minutes inspecting it, much to the amusement of passersby.

I’m sure this statue contains much symbolism about our post-modern life. I’m pretty sure the way Andrew and Miss B reacted was not what the artist anticipated. I am willing to bet, however, no two other people have inspected this statue quite so closely.

This is the carousel at the Yerba Buena Gardens. No. It wasn’t moving. Yes. He’s being a big goof.

Yeah. Some people went to Chinatown. Others strolled on over to the Museum of Modern Art. I decided it would be fun to climb all over the S.S. Jeremiah O’Brien. That’s Alcatraz in the background.

Behold, the published author!

No, not me, but Andrew:

We sent his “Funny in the Blank” into MadKids back in June and it now appears in the September issue. His is the one on the left hand side just below the dialogue bubble and it says:

I’d like to give a special shout out to Yogi Bear!

(Click on the image if you want to see a larger size.)

Yes, he thought of it himself (I’m not that funny). And yes, it’s entirely possible I’m way more excited about this than he is. I haven’t made it into a magazine with that kind of national circulation. I don’t understand why no one else finds that as exciting as I do. Hey, navigating the slush pile of a national magazine is no small task.

Although I think he is more excited than he’ll let on: he wants to show his best friends this weekend. And when he brought the magazine inside, he whipped through those pages pretty quickly looking for this one.

Yeah. I’d say he’s excited too.

Rooms with view

The view from my hotel window. Nice, no? You can’t really see it, but in the lower left of the photo, there’s a rooftop with a garden.

While waiting for that room with a view, we wandered over to the Metreon, which is right next door to the Marriott. This is Andrew in the arcade area of the Metreon. I think I’ve mentioned is claw machine affection, not to mention his mad claw machine skillz (he once won a Game-Boy). The arcade at the Metreon devotes one huge room to claw machines. Just how big?

Here’s one half of the room. There was more. A lot more.

Andrew’s comment: “Now I know what heaven looks like.”

In other views, Lee McKenzie posted a picture of the Noodlers at the Golden Network reception. I’m the geeky one (on the right) in front holding my “boot out” certificate (kind of like I’m not quite sure what to do with it). I’m totally rocking that farmer’s tan too.

Shocking, but true

Darcy outed me (in the comments for yesterday’s post). It is my birthday today. This morning, when I was dropping the kids off at their summer program, Andrew–concerned about my advanced age–offered to buy me a Vitamin Water–with his own money. I told him it wasn’t necessary, that I had a vitamin for breakfast, along with orange juice, oatmeal, and soy yogurt. (I know, am I all about health or what?)

He remained unconvinced. Miss B was upset because she didn’t get me a present (the boys sneaked off to Kmart last night while the girls took a walk).

I got a lamp, which sounds like an odd gift. However, I have strange electrical current running through my body. I have short-circuited more lamps than most people will own in their lifetime. Shocking, but true. (Oh, I slay me.) So. I always pretty much need a new lamp.

I also received a milkshake maker, which suspiciously looks exactly like something Andrew would want. Funny how that worked out. But then, he also picked out a pretty pendant for me and some dark chocolate. (Again, I’m all about the health.)

So, another birthday? It’s all good.

Say what?

I have great affection for puns, misheard lyrics, and unintentionally funny typos. Once, when I was working on an installation guide, I meant to write: It does not. What I wrote was:

It’s doe snot.

Yeah. It keeps you humble. Below is a video courtesy of SBTB.

I’ve always like the Joe Cocker version of this song better than the Beatles version. Sacrilege? Probably. At least now I know all the words. I love how into the song he is. Granted, in this video, evidence suggests he’s into several other things as well. Still. Dude rocks this song.

Kyra’s at that age where she interprets lyrics/words her own way. Her version of the pledge:

… one nation, under God, invisible …

Not to mention the major confusion with “liberty and justice for all” since she had a preschool friend named Liberty and Andrew has a friend named Justice. You try explaining.

This year, at her summer program, she’s learning all sorts of old camp standards. You may remember this one:

Got this little piece of tin
Nobody knows what shape it’s in
Got four wheels and a running board
It’s a Ford, oh, it’s a Ford.

Here’s Kyra’s version:

Got this little piece of Tim …

Ah, yes. The young Hannibal Lecter attends summer camp. Good times.

Fair hair

There are all kinds of things you can do on a Saturday evening in June. This is merely one of them:

Just a little off the top, PLEASE!

Nothing says wacky like purple, pink, and glitter hair.

Yes, we know. He needs a haircut. He hasn’t decided on his “style” for junior high. Why not this one?

Yes, that’s a rainbow over the bridge of her nose and a cloud on each cheek. Why do you ask?

How to lounge

Feeling stressed from a long day at kindergarten or summer programs? Too much time in the pool? Did you create artistic masterpieces all day long and now need a break. Well, the Marvelous Miss B is an expert at just this thing.

Three seconds after entering the house, you must change into your loungewear. This consists of:

Nightgown (the lime green with stylized Siamese cats–some of them wink!)
Soft pants (No jeans, no shorts, but cozy knit pants of some type. We like pink with stripes.)
Pink bathrobe with rhinestones on the collar
Bed socks (We recommend the Hello Kitty ones.)
Purple slippers (with fuzzy insides)

On the wish list (as soon as Mommy is sufficiently worn down):

Satin sleeping mask from Claire’s.

Proceed to lounge. Sometimes it helps to dress up a friend in bedclothes. We recommend the teddy bear.

For advanced loungers: the right combination of cuteness and sleepiness can result in those around you bringing you a snack. Use this technique sparingly. Those around you may catch on.

Tap dancing fish

Yesterday, the Marvelous Miss B had her dance recital. Her group danced to At the Codfish Ball, which of course, I can’t get out of my head.

She’s growing out her bangs. They hit right about at her nose. She usually keeps them out of her face with a headband. But. This is show biz, so we had to go the extra mile and really keep them out of her face. In addition to a headband and the fish thing on her head, I used about half a can of Aqua Net.